dont u hate it when u have a romantic dream about someone who u never thought about in a romantic way and then u wake up and have some weird crush on them like wtf subconscious why u gotta do this to me
Give your cat the F L O A T I N G J U D G E M E N T B O X to allow them to stare at your half finished work from afar
girl: he cheated on me
me: then break up with him
how the hell do you burn ramen
Sour candy ain’t no joke
Every time Bob Belcher says “oh my god”
misconceptions about strippers.
pussy preach more sense than the fuckin government.
I want to break necks when people shade strippers. Let’s see your janky ass get out there and look that cute in 6 inch heels for 8 hours, smiling the entire time, stroking egos, pretending a dude’s breath doesn’t smell like a rotten animal.
My sister has a Masters in Education. She got a job at one of the poorest schools in the city, but didn’t make enough money to pay to keep her tiny house heated through the Oregon winter or buy enough food or take her dog to the vet (first person who drops the word rehome gets a kick in the face.) so she quit and the only job she could get because she’s “overqualified” to work at Fred Meyers was at a strip club because she minored in ballet. I think people forget that stripping is like any other job: you have to have some experience.
And all those crumpled one dollar bills? 20% of that goes back into the club because strippers are renting the stages they dance on. Sometimes it’s more.
Despite all of that, my sister makes more money than she ever did because she works 80 hour weeks and literally never takes a day off. She teaches classes to drunk white girls, she does private parties, she does entertainment for conferences and shows.
When I had to go to the ER last February and got a bill for $800 that I couldn’t pay, my sister sent me money so I wouldn’t be sent to collections.
My sister is the classiest motherfucker in a pair of six inch heels. Anyone who calls her a dumb slut or a hoe gets their shit wrecked.
that’s the best thing i ever just heard get said
My mom got me this shiRT AND I AM LAUGHING SO HARD SHE DOESNT EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT SHES DONE SHE DOESNT GET THE IRONY IN THIS I AM A CLOSETED LESBIAN THIS IS COMEDY GOLD I MIGHT COME OUT TO HER OVER THIS FUCKING SHIRT JUST TO EXPLAIN WHY I CANT STOP LAUGHING
UPDATE: When I told her I’m gay she crossed her arms and said in a really pissed off voice “Are you telling me I spent $15 on that shirt for nothing??”